Lee Jordan Speaks Out!
by Spectra16
Summary: The mischevious life of Lee Jordan and his obsession of talking! MADNESS! Precursor to Klondike Bar! Shortest Short Story Ever! EAT!
1. License to a Loud Speaker

**Shortest Short Stories Ever Series: Lee Jordan Speaks Out!**

By Spectra16 (Sarcastically bureaucratic)

A/N: I got this idea from some rather obnoxious boys in my gym class who were yelling at each other sarcastically. It was rather funny, actually. Anyways, the Shortest Short Stories Ever Series was founded in the lunch line at my school and it was for the one shot of "What Would You Do For A Klondike Bar: HP Style" That has crippled me, and the not so well known precursors to that are The Semi Secret Diary Entries of Ginny Weasley to Tom Riddle and Harry Potter Bloopers. The next two out are this one and Tales from Behind the Veil. Enjoi.

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. If I did, it would be quite demented, and Dumbledore would've gotten killed in the seventh book, and Sirius would've been the Minister of Magic, and Lupin would've fallen in love with Sirius (not Tonks) and Lee Jordan would be announcer to the WORLD!

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Chapter One: License to A Loud Speaker

Let's start at the beginning of this story. All stories must have a beginning, in order to tell a bigger story about the protagonist later. (And yes, there might be an antagonist, but that sounds so negative at the moment.) This beginning so start with the birth of our protagonist, a phrase here which means, the birth of the main character of our story, Lee Jordan. Lee was an intelligent boy, most times. There were times he said foolish things, but don't we all? In fact, he didn't only just say foolish things. He said all sorts of things. And at an early age, he discovered running commentary was his FAVORITE thing. And after that, he loved to be the announcer at his little league baseball games.

Lee leaned on his knees on second base. Compared to the rest of the kids on his team, he was completely clean, free of sand and dirt. That was mainly because Lee had no sense of physical activity, but he knew the rules of the game well. Lee spit.

"Bottom of the ninth. . . Bases. . . Not loaded. But there is one guy on second. The batter? We've got a big one. Let's just hope he can hit the damn ball so that we won't be tied for our last game of the season," Lee murmured to himself. Another boy on the team, Vince Geraghty, snickered.

"Lee, shut up. Stop rooting for the wrong team!" Vince joked. Lee smirked. At once, the batter with the red hat hit the ball and it skidded on the ground, right past pitcher, Oliver Wood. Lee pulled his hair, ignoring the whereabouts of the ball and the panic of his team.

"WHERE THE FRICK WERE YOU OLIVER! DAMN! KEEP YOUR BEATIE EYES ON THE BALL! DAMN! We'd be better off sending some dead guy to pitch for us!" Lee yelled. His mother prompty stood up in her flowery dress.

"You watch your tongue, Lee! God help me, I will whip your little rear when we get home!"


	2. Lee Watches Phantom of the Opera!

**Shortest Short Stories Ever Series: Lee Jordan Speaks Out!**

By Spectra16 (Seeking an Atticus Finch in her love life.)

A/N: I'm surprised I didn't get flamed to hell for that. Thanks everyone! WILL TAKE IDEAS AND EAT THEM IN MY HEAD!

Disclaimer: I don't own Lee Jordan or anything character I may chose to associate with-(GASP!) Sirius Black? What are you doing here?

Sirius: I'm bored. I'm tired of being in self-insertions and Mary Sue fics. I need a vacation. I should probably put Viggo Mortenson or Dustin Hoffman in my place.

Disclaimer: I also do not own Phantom of the Opera.

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Chapter Two: Lee Watches Phantom of the Opera

For lack of better things to do, Lee Jordan, commentator extraordinaire was watching the Phantom of the Opera (2004) and hating it. His little sister, Addy, was completely obsessed with the Phantom of the Opera. Lee sighed dramatically. The Phantom (I like how in Phantom fandom, the locals call it Phandom) walked down the stairs during the mascarade ball to Christine, and there was a long pause where Christine and Erik starred at each other, breathing heavily.

"Awk-ward," Lee chimed. Addy ignored him, like usual.

Later in the movie, Raoul rides in on a white steed to save Christine from the O.G. Lee, who had been drinking Kool-aid, spit it out and laughed so hard, he started choking. After his fit of oxygen loss, he regained the composure to rant about how much of a chick flick this movie was.

"HONEST-ly! Who the hell finds a random white horse and rides it in to save his childhood crush, and then takes a sword out to fight the Phantom, who we've never even seen hold a sword, much less fight with one! AND THEN, they're all like, 'We're so manly! ARGH! ME ANGRY! ME SNAP YOUR NECK!' My FRIGGIN' GAWD! And then they sing! THEY SING ABOUT STUPID SHIT!"

"MO O O O O OM! Lee said a bad word!" Addy shouted up the stairs. Lee ruffled his own hair.

"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! ARGH! Can't we watch Saving Ryan's Privates or something cool? Maybe Dr. Who? Even Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen would be better than this crap!" Lee stood up and was completely ranting. Addy grimaced.

"Are you serious? You want to watch Lindsey Lohan?" She asked, willing. Lee blanched.

"No. I was just kidding."


End file.
